Untitled Two

So, we stopped after mile 25.  I made friends with a girl next to me, Casey, and learned it was her first marathon too. She was supposed to meet her boyfriend on St. James Ave (ironically, where my brother works). We just kept walking.  I remember saying I wanted to keep walking as long as they let me go, and I needed to find my family. 

We found Mom, Dad, Derek, Andy, and Jen - and then Christine.  I just broke down. We were so close, and someone with a point to prove or a higher power to bow down to ruined it.  They ruined it for 4500+ of us.  We had worked so hard....

We walked on - trying to find cell service, get a call or text message out.... my cell battery died, so I couldn't talk to anyone.  My brother was able to post on Facebook to let our small world know that we were ok.  I was just hoping that the others I knew in town were ok too. 

I felt lost...even after I found my family, and mom made some calls to other relatives... I still feel lost.  What do we do?  We rally, we come together, we support each other...isn't that what running is about?  The camaraderie, mutual love for punishing ourselves, bragging rights...?  I had hopes of going to work today, but I just couldn't do it.  I couldn't process all of this.  I think I am, but I am not sure...

We united with Fred and Catherine in the lobby of Andy's building, but I still hadn't heard from Bobbie, Andy, and that group.  What I learned later was they were so close on Boylston St., ended up in the basement of Uno's restaurant until the staff there could see if it was safe for everyone.... I can't even imagine what they were feeling.  I just am thankful the people I know and love are safe. 

My brother texted me a picture this afternoon that brought on such emotion I was a mess - he got my medal for me.  His text said, "In my eyes, you finished. I got your medal for you."  I cannot begin to decribe the pride I have in my brother, my family, my friends.... I have no words.  I love you all.

As I try to wrap my mind around what happened, I want to ask "why?" over and over again.  But I know I can ask that forever and still not understand.  I can be angry. I can be indignant. But honestly, I am sad. The running communities are so supportive of each other - it doesn't matter what country you are from, what color you are, what age/size/shape you are....that is just how it is.  I will run again next year.  I know this.  And I will cross the finish line.  Because I deserve to...we all deserve to. 

Peace, my friends.